New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
