Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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