ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
