Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
