So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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