He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
