I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
