My room smells like vodka and shame
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
