I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
