First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
