possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
