I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
