Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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