Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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