Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
