If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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