This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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