You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
