if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
sex in a hospital.. check
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
