nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
