pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
