anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Are we still banned from the library?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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