I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
