I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
