STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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