So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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