He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
