if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
