and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
