hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
