your thong is hanging out like whoa
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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