the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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