I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
