My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
