If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
