just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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