apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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