Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Of course I have a pirate flag
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
