Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
