Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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