I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
