Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
