She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My cat gives me a boner
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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