Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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