So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
