It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
where does the pee come out of this thing
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
