i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He better not be in your backpack
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
