so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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