I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
