remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
