trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
