i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
