Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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